vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary

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remnants

When do people fall out of love and what happens when you do? Awkward silence since there are no words for the raw pain. No touch anymore and certainly no feeling. I reached for your hand as I struggled to form a sentence. Any other moment and that hand would have felt like home, but now...

All that remains from our love is a few fuzzy images, a few moments we cling to as comfort blankets, a couple old love letters, and suddenly an entire relationship with all its subtleties has been reduced to the equivalent of a twenty minute montage. Everything seemed so important at the time and minutes, no, seconds seemed indefinite.

When I was in love I wrote mediocre poetry, which seemed profound at the time, and was happiest with his arms around my waist while I nibbled on his ear. It has been two years since we were together and broke up. "They say time heals all wounds, but it has been two years." It is easier said than done. Nothing would make me happier than to have the safety of someone's arms, but when I hear about all the bullshit that goes along with a relationship the pantyhose comes off the lens and "cut!" It is the leap of faith we have to make to be in love, it's the trust and the worry; I am unsure if I am ready for all of that again.

"If you could take him back right now, would you?"

"I don't know. He probably hates me and he is still with [her.]"

"Don't you remember how many times you were in tears over him? Compare that to the number of times he made you happy."

The thing is, at the end of the relationship when we look back at everything that happened, all we have left is a few hazy memories, and some love letters. We dream the moments again and again before we slide into sleep and we read the letters when we are alone. All we have left is the happy moments and we are trying to stop the raw pain we feel.

"I think very few people are happy. They wait all their lives for something to happen to them - something great and wonderful. They don't know what it is but they wait for it. Sometimes it never happens."

Love,

Allison

5:49 p.m. - 04/22/2006

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