vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary

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try a little tenderness

Do you ever feel really alone? I do. I am so tired. Tired of waiting for you to not call, and tired of giving you chances. Do you love me? I wouldn't know. How much longer will I keep extending the deadline.

I constantly feel I need to give you more chances - always feeling bad when I crack down on you. The truth is, when I told people what our relationship was like they were shocked. It is basically not a relationship at all. You seem to have your own plans which you don't care to inform me about. I guess you could let me know when you are going to cut me out of your life entirely.

I remember saying I would wait to break it off, because I didn't need the stress when I am trying to finish school. I am stressed out about it now; torn between whether I should just move on and look around and yet liking the idea of being someone's girl.

I have a crush. There is the cutest boy in photography at the paper. He seems quiet but he has an adorable smile. I imagine him as a really romantic guy, the kind that will kiss you softly when no one is looking. He has sort of shaggy curly brown hair, brown eyes and little dimples when he smiles. I fantacize about us lying in bed and snapping polaroids of each other.

Ryan and I have no pictures of each other. It's so strange, perhaps it was never really a relationship to begin with. What happened? I can't remember where this is from but relationships should definitely have a blackbox, so you can listen to it when it is over and figure out what went wrong. Actually! I think it was a comedian on Just for Laughs. I love my sponge-like memory.

I'm off to watch Pretty in Pink before bed. Yes, I am home on Saturday night.

10:41 p.m. - 04/03/2004

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