vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

secrets

How well do we really know our loved ones? Can we really keep tabs on everything they do? We can know them intimately, know their flesh, where they like to be kissed, licked, how they like to be held, but what about their secrets? Everyone has secrets and some even have double lives. Do we share all of our secrets with our loved ones or are there some that need to remain hidden. How intimate are we really, if we keep our secrets? Why are we so afraid to tell the truth? Why are we afraid to ask or acknowledge the truth about our loved ones? Bite our tongues until they bleed. Little white lies. Intentional ignorance. "I think she really didn't want to know." "She was always the type who attracted trouble."

We all bank our secrets in safety deposit boxes with passwords, special keys, symbols. Safe. Your secret is safe with me. But secrets are like sneezes waiting to be released in a flurry with no warning or preparation. A reflex; learn a secret, teach a secret. Some scorch our ears so we avoid repetition. Sometimes the secrets become larger than the people who held them and humanity fades into the background. Easier to spread the news when no one's feelings will be hurt.

Secrets are about insecurity and mistakes. They are about shame and embarassment. Regret, love, passion, anger, resentment, honesty, judgment, values, morals, right and wrong, self-preservation and self-destruction. Some are benign and some are malignant. Some burrow deep into our mind digging a tiny tunnel for fear and anxiety to travel into our hearts. An electric pang of fear grips your heart like a wrench at the thought someone might find out. Electric current livens the walls of your stomach. Nausea. At death some reveal their secrets or their secrets reveal themselves. Others clutch their secrets in their rigamortised hands.

A husband leads another life leading to his death and his wife claims she had no idea. People shake their heads and say she must have known since husbands and wives share everything. But how well do we really know the ones we love? Everyone has their own collection of secrets.

Alli xo

8:50 p.m. - 06/28/2006

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next