vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- re-write I didn't want to write my story from home tonight because I felt at a loss for words. The truth is: I have plenty, but they are devoted to a much less noble cause - the gesture. Not the grand gesture, because neither of us is prone to dramatics. He needs a small sign: a nod, a yes, a reciprocated kiss. A kiss that imprints itself on your lips for an hour before bed. Three weeks pass. Three notes. One awkward lunch with a veggie burger and a breakfast plate. On that snowy Sunday I had more chemistry with the barman, but I liked your calm demeanor with your over-sized headphones hanging around your neck. When do I say enough is enough? I owe you at least a phone call and another shot. Last night I dreamed I cooked green curry and used tupperware to mold the rice - it's all about presentation. It was the gesture. We sat so close on my small sofa and I let the shoe drop. I dreamed this time the kiss permeated my skin pushing rouge into my cheeks. I dreamed I mussed your hair on your head and smiled. Or I whispered I was sorry, but barely loud enough so you could hear. Your guitarist hand with the long fingers clasped the door knob. You wanted to say sorry wasn't enough. Indignant. I knew full well a sorry was worthless at this point. There was really nothing I could say and perhaps I should have remained silent as you re-dressed. I closed my eyes when the door finally shut and imagined the entire night in slow motion. I unbuttoned your shirt with a coy smile as I sat on top of you with on a bra and a slip on - you laughed. All the way back to when I let you in with a kiss hello. This time I didn't open the door. These are the little re-writes we do to distance ourselves from truth. Truth is much uglier and much more boring. It isn't sexy; it is matter-of-fact. In a week the true story will barely be discernible from the re-written scenes in my mind with dramatic staging and great scripts. My mother always said I had a great imagination. <3 Allison 10:31 p.m. - 01/29/2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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