vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- real love I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew I was in love with him. It was Sept. 16. We walked to the Greyhound station so I could catch a bus back to London. As we stood in line I tried to hide the glimmer of tears in my eyes. Each time we said goodbye - even for a week - became harder. We became more emotionally involved. I could barely look in your eyes. We held onto each other tightly and avoided talk of leaving. Finally the bus arrived and the passengers started to file on. We said a quick goodbye with a quick peck. I remember the hollowness I felt as I watched you walk out of sight. As the bus pulled out of the station, I began to rationalize the ball of emotions lumped in my throat. "I must really care about this boy," I thought. "I think I am in love with him." Suddenly the only other 'love' of my life seems shallow at best. It seemed adolescent � OK, it was in my adolescence. It seems love is much more than an ad hoc recipe of sex and friendship. For the first time I feel truly vulnerable � my heart is truly on the line. We completely trust each other with our secrets, dreams and our heart. He makes me want to be a better person, to volunteer, to follow through with my goals. He pushes me to try new things, to look at the world differently and to question my perspective. He centres me when fear tugs my heart and mind in different directions. Love is wondrous and terrifying at the same time. All at once you are fearless, but anxious about the state of your relationship. True love is painful in that you ache at the thought of losing it. True love takes work through the rough patches. So here we are, 9 months from that first conversation on the GO train. We survived his trip to South America, my job and my medicine-induced mood swings. Now we face a vast unknown. We are waiting to know whether or not I will move to the city and whether or not we can plan to move in together. Limbo. This is the tough part � the part where some people give up. We've fought about B.C and Ottawa. We're both scared of losing each other, so we're forced to consider worst-case-scenarios and ignore the shadows in the room. Love means we wait together and those worst-case-scenarios don't involve breaking up. Love means everything is on the table and everyone gets a say. You always say there is no point of fighting shadows. <3 Alli 5:35 p.m. - 03/01/2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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