vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Remember this guy? Well, he's managed to throw a cat amongst the pigeons again. I wanted to go on the road with my show from the moment I was offered the job. And so when my boss casually asked if I wanted to go to Ottawa, I was ecstatic. I didn't even think about the fact it would mean a weekend away with my pseudo office crush. I didn't think about it because the crush waned since the fashion show invite. My relationship was getting back on track. We were getting along and having fun again. Then I am handed my itinerary and we are flying together. Me and my pseudo crush. He says it aloud as he gets his itinerary. That's when the scare set in. What if something happens? From the start it was the usual flirty banter. By the end of the first night we found ourselves in a dive bar at midnight. After downing a pint of cider, I was itching to play pool. He came to watch. Suddenly his hand is on the small of my back and he's whispering instructions for my next shot. A threshold has been crossed. Banter is one thing, but touch is another. I want to believe I am over thinking it. That he is just a flirtatious person. That he likes me as a friend. But I find myself confused by the evidence. One morning he strides up to my desk and tells me he had a dream about me. He dreamt I was famous and said he was OK with it. Another he told me that when visiting Alberta he kept seeing banks with the acronym ATB -- almost my initials -- and wanted to take a picture for me. And another he said he was looking at a new photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. He said he thought my boyfriend's shirt showed he was evil as guns are shaped into a peace sign. He is thinking of me away from work. He's creeping my Facebook page. He's having dreams about me. He's finding ways to touch me, now. Even if it means nothing to him, I find myself intrigued.I find myself thinking of him. I catch myself creeping his Facebook page. I find myself liking him. This isn't supposed to happen. For most of the last three and a half years I haven't done any window shopping in terms of men. I've been happy for the most part. Now, I'm confused. If I am starting to have feelings for other people and not for my boyfriend anymore, I owe it to him to move on. I do not want to hurt him. At the same time, I still love him. But I am realizing there is a world of difference between romantic love and companion love. 8:23 p.m. - 03/02/2011 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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