vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Fizzle June 9 came and passed unmarked. As did June 22. I thought these dates might stir something. But, the truth, however callous it seems, is that I haven't had a single twinge of regret or sadness in the last three months. I put myself on a self-imposed three-month man hiatus. Gave myself some time to reconnect with friends and enjoy my recaptured independence. And I am glad I did. It made me appreciate what a great life I have without a man in it. And that is so important. I think I used to derive a great deal of self worth from the attention and affection of men. I needed to be wanted. I was addicted to infatuation. It took a lonely Canada Day (where a friend backed out of our plan to see fireworks) to push me into online dating. And so begins the open casting call for my next love. Side note: I used to believe that love was pre-destined. That two people were cosmically connected and simply waiting to collide. That once that collision happens, that's it. That there is one person, a better half, out there for each person. But now I feel love is not destined, but rather more nebulous. That there can be many loves in one's life. And that if you found love and then lost it, you are not doomed to die alone. You will likely love again, if you so wish. Of course, as soon as I posted my profile the worry started bubbling like indigestion -- what if no one contacts me and so no one desires me? But there are messages and dates. There's good prospects. Genuinely good guys. A bit of yoghurt to calm the acid. Now, first dates behind us, I worry about the fizzle. The fizzle is where one person simply stops responding to emails, calls, texts in order to pass along the message: "I am not interested." And so I wait and try to breathe through the pangs of nausea. <3 Alli 6:38 p.m. - 07/27/2011 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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