vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I needed to get angry I've said, "That's it!" a hundred times it seems. And then, said "I like him. I'll give it another shot." Well, I think this is really it. I want to remember this moment as the moment he lied to me, so I have the strength to ignore his texts. I knew, deep down, that he wasn't telling the truth. I had a feeling that I couldn't shake. Now, I know why. Remember I said that when I log onto the dating site where we met, I can see if he is online? Well, about a month ago I shut down my profile. And, one of the big reasons for doing it was that I didn't want to see him on there hunting for new girls. Well, that feeling was bubbling up today and so I decided to reactivate my profile. Best defence = offence. And there he was: online. My first thought: I knew it. Sure enough, he's edited his profile and added a bunch of new vacation photos. Funny thing is, I didn't feel sad for me -- I felt sad for him. He's on there all the time trolling for tail. It's sad. I feel like he thinks this is some sort of sport. How many exotic white girls can he bed before he has to wed? Well, not me anymore. I really didn't want to know. I wanted to believe that he was really starting to like me, that I was special. But I'm not. Not to him. I kept making excuses for the awful things he would say and do. Fact is, he's just a jerk. And I think I needed to get mad to release the hallucinogenic effects of regular intimacy. So no more excuses. I'm really done. I deserve more and I'm prepared to wait for it. And I feel surprisingly OK with that. Allison 5:15 p.m. - 10/01/2011 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||