vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's allison and alli if you have my heart Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. It is likely because of all the time I have on my hands and all the things I have on my mind. I decided I don't want to pursue things with Matt from work. I just don't get a good feeling about it. It's that unsavoury piece of gossip I heard and cannot seem to shake. It just never feels quite right. No matter how many different ways it has played out in my head. I contacted the boy I met last year/cheated on Ryan with. I know it doesn't sound like the greatest of situations but I have a good feeling about it. When I emailed him I had a million and one thoughts running through my mind. Was I doing the right thing? What was he going to say? Cruel rejection? Renewed lust? To be honest I really had no expectations because the whole thing was so random and rather left handed anyways. But he stepped up and defyed everything I thought. After writing it I expected not to hear from him for a while at least and at most, never. But there it was, virtually the next day in my inbox. A hey with an exclamation point, a smiley face at the end and his phone number. I was decoding it for some mention of a girl, or a girlfriend. Or maybe its me. I remember thinking all week that the potential relationship would just be to be with someone. And yet it isn't entirely that. I remember how much fun I had last year flirting with him at the Hot Hot Heat show and how much I wished he would have made a move on me when we saw Lost in Translation even though we both knew he shouldn't. We have things in common and maybe he isn't perfect and maybe he made me cringe when he dropped all the cheesy lines when we first met, but there is something about him. I wrote in the email that I needed to get all of this out of my head because I see him everywhere. I believe a lot in fate. To me, there must be a reason why we keep running into each other in a campus of 30,000. Perhaps it means this year is the right year, and perhaps we won't have an earth shattering relationship. He may not be the man I will marry but maybe he is the man I need right now. I can't remember what it feels like to wake up to someone anymore and maybe this is my chance. We'll see ladies. Love 11:33 p.m. - 12/26/2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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