vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary


Here we are again, at my place

The only way to describe the feeling I came away from our second date with is... "Huh."

He had definitely changed in our text conversations over the course of the week from the effusive guy who gushed after our first date to the suddenly busy "Sorry, I didn't respond sooner" guy. I chalked it up to this big project he's working on that's costing him sleep and making him work weekends.

But then when we met up yesterday to browse the local flea market, it felt different in person, too. He seemed very quiet. Our conversation, stilted. By the time we'd walked back to my street, I felt off.

I said I was going to drop my dog off at home. He checked his watch and said he was going to go home and change. I didn’t expect him to come back to my place then, but it still hurt me a bit that he didn’t want to spend every minute with me. That's clearly a bit crazy.

I walked back to my place and sat with the uncertainty I had. What happened? We had such a good conversation on our first date. Was that because we had a lot to drink? He seemed so interested in me and now he seemed standoffish.

When we met for dinner later that night, it felt a bit more like our first date. Our banter was back. I liked looking at him and making him laugh. Then I excused myself to go to the ladies. When I came back, he had his phone out and was texting someone with a grin. Me, being me, I immediately assumed it was another girl. The one he just started talking to and would rather see than me. It could have just as easily been a friend and the grin was at an inside joke or that he was telling them about me.

When I sat back down, he seemed to pull back a bit, leaning back from the table more when he had previously leaned in. He regaled me with stories of his childhood and boarding school and then asked me questions about mine. I couldn't possibly be as interesting as he was. When I said he seemed kind of meh, he blamed his allergies.

I don't remember how it came up, but I blame the rum punch for that. He said that he'd go to his place and grab his allergy medication and then he'd make sure I got home, maybe coming inside to see my place. Then we were in a cab stopped outside his place and then he was over at mine.

I'm not innocent. I know that the minute I agreed to have him come and see my place that this was going to get physical. I could barely answer his question about my art prints when he pulled me close to him and kissed me. He asked me if it was how I imagined it and I said better. He agreed. I could feel his already hard dick against me as he held me close.

I poured him a glass of water and sat back on the couch. Soon we were deeply kissing again and then he said, "Let's go lie down." I walked ahead of him into my bedroom and moved some clothes off my bed. We both lay down and started kissing again. Soon his hands were wandering and pulling my top over my head and my skirt down my legs. I told him we had to use a condom and he grabbed one from his pocket. He knew this was coming, too.

Our first romp was pretty innocent with some missionary that left him breathless. He really enjoyed it. Laying beside me, he said he's only been with two people, including me, this year. I said, "Oh," keeping my own number to myself.

I joked that we went from innocent to this pretty quickly. He said he didn't make any moves on me on our first date as he didn’t know where he wanted it to go. I asked if he knew now and he said he still wasn't sure. He seemed so in his head. I said, "Look, I like you and this was great. I'd like to keep seeing you, but I should let you know that while you're unsure, I'll be seeing other people still." He said he appreciated me being upfront.

It was late and he was falling asleep. I said he was welcome to stay, but he said he should be home so he could get down to work tomorrow.

We started kissing again and went for round two. He was still rock hard. I started having flashbacks to my younger lover who could go for hours. This time we tried a few different positions, but the condom was getting too dry and it was uncomfortable. He laid back down beside me and fell asleep. I gently woke him and said he could stay if he wanted, but that maybe he should go home. So he did. He gave me one more kiss and then wobbled out the door. There was something about the way he kind of stopped to look at me in my hallway.

When I closed my door, I didn’t feel great. I felt like that was probably the last time I'd see him. I also felt confused. He seemed to have such different sides. One shy, sweet side and one outgoing and sexy. Our dates felt completely different. The narrative felt completely different. I didn’t feel like he cared much for taking it slowly anymore or for me as more than summer fun.

But I can't say I was entirely convinced we are more than that either. I didn’t really feel good about myself after this date. I could see I was falling back into the pattern of desperation when he pulled back a bit. I wanted him to like me before I even decided if I liked him. I didn’t feel like I could be myself with him. Instead I stuck to my defensively funny banter.

I think I'll wait this one out with no real expectations. I'll keep dating so that I don't put all my eggs in this basket, especially when I'm starting to see big gaps in the weave.

9:42 a.m. - 07/15/2018


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