vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dust to dust and possessions to relatives Large amber oblong beads separated by generic orange beads hanging down to my waistline. I wonder where it hung on her. Sitting in front of her closet examining each piece of jewelery I felt conflicted. Losing and acquiring. It felt like stealing, but I was just trying to hold on and remember. There is something that feels intrinsicly wrong about estate sales or the division of a deceased family members possessions. It makes me wonder if it would feel more right to bury the deceased with all their worldly possessions like the Egyptian Pharohs. The timing is the real issue; it doesn't feel like the right time to be greedy. I remember I once went to an estate sale with my father in the Southeast (wealthy) part of my town. It was a haunting experience; all of the items were spread out in the various rooms in the house. A hat on a bookshelf where the deceased may have put it every night. Paintings patterned on walls and clothes laid out on the master bed. You have to wonder if the ghost of the person who passed is sauntering around watching the vultures snatch up their possessions. Like anything else there is a fine line: it is one thing to take items from a passed relative as momentos but quite another to buy them from a non-relative. At least with a relative they have a sentimental value. I picked a couple necklaces, some scarves (with her smell on them that is strangely comforting), and a vintage gold pocketbook. Maybe these sorts of mementos allow the person to live on, literally, on our bodies like some sort of comfort blanket. For me they will never be dissociated with my grandma. It's the same way we (girls) keep our ex-boyfriends clothing and letters. There is no better set of PJ's than a boy's shirt and no better way to believe in love again than to read an old letter. This is the human (capitalist) way to cope - to feel something tangible. Instead of dealing with death or loss in the uncomfortable abstract way, it is materialized. It is probably not the way Gandhi would have it, but it eases the pain. Allison xo 7:32 p.m. - 01/20/2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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