vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mr. Right Now I wish I was writing to say, "I did it. I broke it off," and I am better for having done it. But, I didn't, so I'm not. Here's the rub: I like him. I'm not in love with him. I enjoy his company. He makes me laugh and he's a good kisser. That kind of like. Yet, he keeps dropping these little, seemingly harmless bombs. Last night, it was... 1. His Mom has not idea that he is dating a white girl and he has no intention of bringing anyone home until he is about to marry that person; 2. He mentioned around our second or third date that he only really started dating when he was 25, which would be about four years ago. A bit shocking, but understandable given his home situation and culture. He revealed last night that he actually starting dating when he was 27, which would be two years ago. I try to give some allowances. His Dad passed away when he was a teenager and he was forced into a pretty adult situation (becoming head of the household and "father figure" to a younger brother). And so he feels an obligation both to take care of his Mom as she was widowed, but also to honour her wishes for him (to marry a nice Pakistani girl). But, to erase the possibility of a future and designate whatever this is as temporary and trivial, hurts. I'd be lying if I didn't say at least that. What girl wants to hear that she's great, but she's not long-term, bring-home-to-Mom, possibly marriage material? And yet, there is also a certain degree of calm. It is what it is. If I really liked him, really felt that lovesickness, I would be crushed. And, I'm not. I like him fine, but I just got out of a four-year serious, practically marriage-track relationship and I don't really want to just jump into another one. Maybe I don't want anything serious right now and so whatever he and I are doing is OK. OK, of course, until I find someone else and the pieces fall into place. In essence, he's Mr. Right Now. A bit of fun. I think some of my friends, who've been saints listening to me babble about him, think that this way of thinking is dumb and that I'm liable to get hurt. Sure, there's a chance of that. There's a chance of that even with the guy who is crazy about you and wants to call you his girl right away. So call me dumb, but I'm going to try and be cool. Let's see where this goes. If I get sick of being whatever I am to him, I can break it off. Of course, I am not so dumb as to put all my chips on him. I'm going to keep my options wide open. Alli xo 10:15 p.m. - 10/11/2011 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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