vinylgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A test Here's the thing. I'm 33 years old. Divorced. Leaning more towards yes to kids. I don't have a lot of time to waste on so-so relationships. I want the real thing or nothing at all. I don't want to be with someone who feels like they're on the fence when it comes to how they feel about me or about us. I want someone who's all in. And every time you're too tired to come over when you said you would, it feels like you don't really want this or you're too lazy to put effort into this relationship. And, frankly, it's too early for that kind of lethargy in this relationship. It's also confusing because you say things like, "I'd stay over every night, but I think you'd get sick of me." And that you miss me when we only see each other once a week. And that you want to see more of each other. And that you see us moving in together someday. The reality is, we only see each other once a week. The only reason we see each other more is if I invite you over. Your actions are betraying a kind of uncertainty or a kind of emotional lethargy. And so making a doctor's appointment to sort out why you are so tired feels like a real test. If you want this to work, and you're really going to put in the work, you'll make the appointment this week to show me that. Or you'll forget again but keep mouthing the words, like last week. Then I'll know and I'll have to make a hard decision. Because as much as I really do love you, I don't know if I can tolerate this mismatch in words and deeds for a lifetime. And right now, I'm starting to think more about lifetimes. 1:23 p.m. - 05/28/2018 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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